Mom Shaming is THE WORST

Mom shaming is an issue that needs to stop! Moms, what is this about? Why are we snarking at each other versus supporting one another? As a mom, I have been shamed by family and friends, and it really hurts. I wish I would have said something in that moment, but it all happened too quickly and I was left with shame and a feeling of not being enough. In my line of work, there is no place for mommy shaming. As women, we need to collectively stop this mean, vicious behavior, as it not only hurts other women, but also fuels disconnection and isolation.

If one mom feels the need to put down another mother to make themselves feel valued, I would like for them to really look at themselves and question their mommy shaming behavior.
Motherhood is rougher than it has ever been:

We are worried for our kids’ safety, their online interactions, friendships, mental health, and academics. So let’s come together to stop shaming. I don’t get it—we want our kids to be kind and compassionate, but it can be so easy to judge, criticize, and shame each other. I have seen some vicious comments on Facebook groups and I don’t get how we can be so quick to whip out the nasty.

My concern is that kids are lacking empathy and compassion. In my programs and assemblies, kids are meaner and more resistant than ever. It is like being kind is so uncool. However, I have seen how kindness can save a life, build a friendship, and foster an amazing leader to make a difference. We forget the power of kindness and connection!

Mobilizing children’s moral courage to be Upstanders may be our best hope to stop peer cruelty. Kid interventions cut bullying by more than half the time and within 10 seconds, but they must learn to how to step in or get help.”- Dr. Michelle Borba, Unselfie

Overall, feeling the need to shame another mom calls into question the types of thoughts and behaviors that we are modeling in our home. How do we want to be perceived? What is the legacy we want to leave with our kids? At the end of the day, how do we want to feel about ourselves?

For moms that have been shamed:

“I am so far from being the perfect mom. I often try too hard, I yell, I scream, I sleep-in, I drink too much coffee and I love wine. I forget important school functions, I get more tardies than I like to admit for drop off, I lose my temper, and I often show up like a hot mess at her school not knowing what is going on. I typically wear baseball caps and sweatshirts, when I should be more put together. I wear workout clothes everyday with the intention of going to the gym; however, I rarely make it there. I love to binge on Netflix and my daughter eats sugar, gluten, and Mc Donalds!”

I can go on and on…I love my weird, devoted, driven, scattered self, but when other moms judge or shame me, I come into questioning my mom skills. Regardless of how we might put on a tough shell and pretend we don’t care, we often get wounded by words. Those words weight hard on us and have lots of power.

So next time you hear some mommy shaming, stick up for the other mom, say something, or do something!

It is in these moments when we stay silent, we are indirectly accepting these behaviors. We are silently saying: “it’s ok” to put someone else down, as long as it is not me. This chips away at us, and soon impact the way we see ourselves. As we teach kindness, compassion, and leadership to our kids, we need to model that same behavior.

file-oct-25-4-41-41-pm

When one mommy shames you remember she is hurting and she is most probably acting out because she is in pain. So, go up to her and say, “You are doing a great job…and I am too!” If we can turn these moments into kind learning opportunities, we can foster a better world for our children.

Until Next Time

Dr. Korntey Peagram

Join me on my wild ride with parenting: The Working MoM Podcast

Join our Newsletter: Bulldog World

Great products to get you started